Constipated Cow: fantastic feral family fun

Guest Writer: Bryan Parke

Game box art © MJ Games

Game box art © MJ Games

MJ Games are currently running a Kickstarter campaign for a new card game entitled “Constipated Cow; The Game”, and the guys have very kindly sent me a review copy to play around with. Let’s see what this is all about!

Contents check first; 54 playing cards (27 green, 27 red) and a rules card in a funky looking box. I love the art style, and the cards are good quality.

The basic premise of “Constipated Cow” is very simple. The players are split into two or more teams.

On each team’s turn, one player draws an Animal card from the green deck:

Cards from the game

Sample animal cards

And then draws a Mood card from the red deck:

Sample mood cards

Sample mood cards

They then put the two together and choose one of the animals. This gives a combination which the player must do an impression of!

Typical hand in the game

Typical hand in the game

(In the alliterative tradition of the game, I would of course have to choose the Thirsty Fox!)

The player’s team members must then attempt to guess both the creature and it’s temperament from the impression; if they succeed they score a point.

Play then moves to the next team, and so on. The first team to achieve an agreed level of points wins!

There are a number of suggested variations of play style, some more suited to kids, and others more for adults. There is a drinking variant (loser buys the next round), but pre-warn any pub you attempt to play this in, this is *not* a quiet game (and definitely not a version for junior gamers)!

The most important question to be answered though “is Constipated Cow fun to play?”. The answer is a resounding YES!

An initially skeptical teenage daughter agreed to play as it was a better thing to do than exam revision. That skepticism was immediately dispelled as my masterful rendition of an Aggressive Werewolf  caused the cat to flee the room in terror and generated complaints of too much noise from the room next door.

The siren’s call of my howling (to be fair, it might have been the hysterical laughter from #1 daughter) lured #2 daughter into the fun. Soon we had a full blown Dad vs daughters Moo Off, generating some very innovative impressions and an awful lot of laughter (and for the record my Sea Lion impression was world class, regardless of any reports you may hear to the contrary).

That’s all there is too it; Constipated Cow is simple to pick up, accessible by gamers and non-gamers alike, and easily tailorable to the family and friends at your table top.

I’ve been convinced enough to back the Kick Starter (, and I’m considering getting hold of an extra copy or two as gifts. The campaign has funded already, so get in on the action!

“Constipated Cow: more fun than GCSE Latin revision!”


This article originally appeared on Bryan Parke’s blog:

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