Sword, Hobbit toy, Legolas toy, book

30 Things to do for JRR Tolkien’s Twelvity Fifth Birthday

  1. Be neither late nor early, but arrive exactly when you mean to.
  2. Don a jacket of bright blue and boots of yellow, just like that merry old Tom Bombadil fellow.
  3. Have second breakfast.
  4. Visit www.theprancingpony.com and see that it’s an available domain. Proceed to then procure the domain, and develop it to be a fan page for The Fellowship Of The Ring.
  5. Keep your hand closed tightly on a precious jewel so that a werewolf is forced to snap your hand off—wait, don’t do this one…
  6. Proudly display a plastic toy hammer on a shelf in your home, and name it Glamdring (since it already is a faux hammer.)
  7. Make Legolas your Elf on a Shelf.
  8. Start camping out now and be the first person on line, for when tickets go on sale, for opening night of the first film in The Silmarillion franchise (Dec 13, 2018.)
  9. Reforge a broken sword.
  10. Visit a diner with nine human pals, order a jumbo plate of onion rings, then give one onion ring to each of your nine human pals, and declare them lords of men, bearers of the nine onion rings of power.
  11. Travel West.
  12. Whilst visiting a zoo, see if they have any baboon spiders.
  13. Go barefoot everywhere.
  14. Learn to speak a few simple Nafarrin phrases, to impress your friends with at upcoming parties.
  15. Plan a vacation to New Zealand.
  16. While there, simply walk into Mordor. (Be warned Mount Ruapehu in Tongoriru National Park became active this year, so exercise caution.)
    Wizard and Ring

    Gandalf and the Ring

  17. Attend an Entmoot.
  18. If no man are you, smite the living or dark undead, anyway.
  19. Whistle music from The Shire.
  20. Stuff yourself into a barrel.
  21. Wear a wizard hat.
  22. Start out with a gray hat and then switch to a white one.
  23. Start erecting that Helms Deep LEGO set that you’ve been meaning to get around to.
  24. Run out of the house without a handkerchief.
  25. Whilst window shopping along the main thoroughfare in your town, pause for a moment outside the fashion boutique and see if any mithril shirts are on sale today.
  26. Replace a dark lord with a Dark Lady, love her and despair!
  27. Change your middle name to Ronaldreuel.
  28. Fly, you fools!
  29. See if your local public library has the BBC Radio LotR dramatization on compact disc. Borrow it, and allow yourself to be swept away by Tolkien’s magic all over again, in a new way this time around.
  30. Start rereading the books, but you don’t have to start with The Hobbit.

-A collaborative effort between Chandra “My gold doesn’t glitter” Reyer and Timothy “I wander and am lost” Connolly

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